Colin Meloy, Kurt Vonnegut, and Mother Theresa contract a veneral disease from Gwen Stefani. Kurt thinks, really, it could be a lot worse.  Colin decides Gwen was just being spiteful because she didn’t truly understand the inherent comedic value of recently neutered kittens wearing funny hats, despite numerous examples to the contrary.  Meanwhile, Mother Theresa […]

Colin Meloy, Kurt Vonnegut, and Mother Theresa apply for the same job at Disney.  Mid-interview, Mother Theresa inquires after Walt Disney’s health.  Colin contemplates whether it would be more offensive to portray Mickey Mouse as a recently-beaten red-headed step child or an animalistic Helen Keller while sipping a $17 soda he purchased at the snack […]

Colin Meloy, Kurt Vonnegut, and Mother Theresa give away single unmatched mittens.  Kurt saves the more attractive mittens in a box to give out to hot co-eds as an icebreaker when they walk by.  Colin worries they are not serving their target demographic and keeps hopeful watch on tip-toes for any one-armed men.  Mother Theresa […]

Colin Meloy, Kurt Vonnegut, and Mother Theresa shop for baby clothes.  Kurt is disappointed to learn that the babies are not included.  Colin questions the salesclerk on the origin of offspring in general and then grills her on the proper names of every baby animal found on a typical American farm, in alphabetical order.  Mother […]

Colin Meloy, Kurt Vonnegut, and Mother Theresa visit a refuge for poorly trained circus animals.  After several hours Colin finally understands the merits of euthanasia.  Meanwhile, Mother Theresa discovers the real reason why llamas are not often incorporated into the human diet and Kurt attempts to communicate alarm without drawing the attention of a blind […]

Colin Meloy, Kurt Vonnegut, and Mother Theresa go on a discount hot air balloon ride.  The whole experience vaguely reminds Colin of the time he purchased kitchen appliances from a late night infomercial and ended up in the ICU.  Meanwhile, Kurt drops pennies over the side, trying to calculate the probability that he will “accidentally” […]

  Colin Meloy, Kurt Vonnegut, and Mother Theresa take a bath.  Kurt spends most of the time searching for his rubber ducky mysteriously lost beneath the bubbles.  Mother Theresa is unpleasantly suprised every time Kurt fails to find his rubber ducky.  Colin waits for the awkward silence to lift.

Colin Meloy, Kurt Vonnegut, and Mother Theresa ride a slightly catatonic zebra.  Colin pats the zebra’s bum reassuringly every time it thinks about taking a step.  Mother Theresa wonders how zebra tastes on a scale of 1 to 10 with baby penguin being a 10.  Kurt entertains the hope that the hot girl from the Kwik-e-Mart […]

Colin Meloy, Kurt Vonnegut, and Mother Theresa do hot yoga.  Kurt feels all the stress leaving his body along with most of his moisture and possibly his soul.  Colin hallucinates that he is rescued by a seafoam green elephant that also dabbles as a Shakespeare scholar.  Mother Theresa contemplates licking the person next to her […]

Colin Meloy, Kurt Vonnegut, and Mother Theresa found a small city.  On a firm foundation of morals, Colin establishes a six-day work week and obligatory whole grain lunches.  Mother Theresa suggests all non-governmental buildings should have an uneven number of sides.  Kurt hires a locksmith as the first tradesman so he can make a key […]

Colin Meloy, Kurt Vonnegut, and Mother Theresa participate in an iceberg melting contest.  Colin has a long debate with himself about the ethics of being both anti-global warming and pro-slamming the competition.  Kurt recalls a previous encounter with ice that ultimately left him embarassed and hospitalized.  Mother Theresa numbs her fingers and then plays “who’s […]

Colin Meloy, Kurt Vonnegut, and Mother Theresa get trapped in a bathroom stall at their local co-op.  Colin tries to decipher a poem written entirely in chapstick on the stall door, occasionally voicing loud critiques of the rhyming scheme.  Kurt taps out an S.O.S. to the adjoining stall with little success. Mother Theresa makes off-color jokes about […]

Colin Meloy, Kurt Vonnegut, and Mother Theresa find a boom-box and proceed to get down with their bad selves.  ‘Nuff said.

Colin Meloy, Kurt Vonnegut, and Mother Theresa have a bicycle accident.  Kurt considers the pain in his knee-cap while explaining what just transpired in terms of Newtonian physics.  Colin temporarily can’t feel his arm and pokes it repeatedly with a stick while trying to remember the lyrics to that French song from The Little Mermaid.  […]

Colin Meloy, Kurt Vonnegut, and Mother Theresa play doctor.  Kurt has a long laugh over confusing the words “scalpel” and “speculum”.  Mother Theresa marvels at the seemingly intransitory nature of latex gloves.  Colin investigates the best way to diagnose a parasite while blindfolded.

Colin Meloy, Kurt Vonnegut, and Mother Theresa attend the wedding of a mutual relative.  Mother Theresa relates stories of childhood ostracization to college friends of the groom.  Colin considers his stomach in the bathroom mirror before returning to the buffet table for thirds.  Kurt attempts to calculate the exact moment at which miming went out […]

Colin Meloy, Kurt Vonnegut, and Mother Theresa break into Jurassic Park.  Colin goes throught the break-in checklist fourteen times, only realizing a lack of celebratory sparklers on the thirteenth run-through.  Kurt wonders if he should order the pizza now or later.  Mother Theresa composes a grocery list on the back of her hand while waiting […]

Colin Meloy, Kurt Vonnegut, and Mother Theresa meet their doppelgangers.  Kurt becomes frustrated, trying to think of something original to say.  Mother Theresa wonders if she has just found her way out of jury duty.  Colin tongues the piece of spinach stuck in his teeth since last night’s dinner, contemplating the inherent value of daytime […]

Colin Meloy, Kurt Vonnegut, and Mother Theresa feed baby elephants at the zoo.  Colin attempts to explain to the herd matriarch the meaning of the word “gluttony”, while Kurt tries to fit his entire fist in his mouth.  Mother Theresa thinks back to the time she failed a field sobriety test in Canada.

Colin Meloy, Kurt Vonnegut, and Mother Theresa get stuck in quicksand.  Colin wishes he had brought his bathing suit.  Kurt takes the opportunity to recite non-rhyming poetry.  Mother Theresa tries to get at the knitting needles in her pocket, but gives up when she realizes she only has blue yarn.

Colin Meloy, Kurt Vonnegut, and Mother Theresa steal a police car.  Kurt incapacitates the officer with a homemade snare made out of old fish hooks and yarn.  Mother Theresa stops for three consecutive potty breaks within the first hour and Colin regrets not bringing his ninja suit.

Colin Meloy, Kurt Vonnegut, and Mother Theresa go to the gym.  Mother Theresa tries to catch the eye of the college boy on the treadmill while, under his breath, Colin chants the word “deltoids” to the tune of “We Will Rock You”.  Kurt imagines what life must have been like before toasters.

Colin Meloy, Kurt Vonnegut, and Mother Theresa repair an old pickup truck in the rain.  Kurt insists on being called “Doctor” while they work and Mother Theresa gets a smudge on her glasses in the shape of Ed McMahon.  Colin tries to fix the carburator with a paperclip while pondering a marketing plan for a new […]

Colin Meloy, Kurt Vonnegut, and Mother Theresa go shopping for high-heel shoes.  Kurt would rather have a sandwich.  Mother Theresa neglects to feed the meter, but does not realize until it is too late to be bothered.  Colin wonders if a needle in a haystack would really be all that difficult to find, you know, […]

Colin Meloy, Kurt Vonnegut, and Mother Theresa visit the Amazon.  The malarial fevers are making Kurt a bit horny and Mother Theresa does not like how the monkeys are sharing.  Colin wants to touch an ocelot.

Colin Meloy, Kurt Vonnegut, and Mother Theresa playing basketball.  Colin secretly admires Kareem Abdul Jabbar and is internally narrating his moves in iambic pentameter.  Kurt wishes he were wearing more comfortable shorts.  Mother Theresa keeps double-dribbling, the saucy minx.

  Colin Meloy, Kurt Vonnegut, and Mother Theresa, around the dinner table.  Mother Theresa just woke up from a nap and Colin is upset that they are eating dinner at 5 PM.  Kurt has an itchy bum.  A prize to whomever can guess who is who…