I had a little online chat with Bank of America yesterday (this is one of several I’ve had).   Being old hat at the whole thing I tell the guy, “I want to speak to a fraud specialist.”  If I don’t say this, my chat gets transferred to at least two other people who are not familiar with my fraud claim.  Or with my previous chat.  Or anything it seems.

Pierce responds, “I would happy to help you with that.”  Then he asks me a few annoying questions.  I answer dutifully.

Pierce: “The fraud specialists are not availble to chat at this time.  Can you try back later?” 

Me: “No.  I’m in the middle of the bush in Tanzania” –I’m not sure Pierce knows this is a country…previous B of A people have not– “and it’s tricky to get on the internet.”

Pierce: “I can try again in a little bit.”  Fine, I think.  I will take care of other business.

Me: “Also, I was supposed to have received a new ATM card but all I’ve gotten is a new pin.  Which I didn’t ask for.”

Pierce: “I understand your concern and would be happy to help you.”  Argh.

Me: “Can you just send me a new card at an address in the States?”

Pierce: “For Security reasons I can only send a new card to your listed address.”  We debate this a bit.  I pose a hypothetical in which I am travelling in New York City and get mugged and need a new card.  Couldn’t B of A send me a new one there?  Pierce is unsure.

Me: “Just send it to my listed home address.  I have a mail forward on it, though.  Will it be forwarded on?”  Pierce seems vaguely confident that it might be.  “Also, can I have a pin number that is only 4 digits long?  6 digits (the length of the last pin they sent) won’t work here.”

Pierce: “You can change your pin at any Bank of America ATM.”

Me: Pause.  “I’m in Tanzania.”  I believe we’ve been over this.

Pierce:  “Oh.  Just use the first four numbers.  That’ll probably work.”  I am skeptical.

Me: “Umm, okay.  Can I talk to the fraud specialist now?”

Pierce: “Let me attempt to contact them.”  Minutes pass while I check my e-mail.  “They are not available right now.”

Me: “Well, when are they available?”

Pierce: “7 AM to 5 PM, Eastern Time, Monday through Friday.”  I look at the computer clock.  I do some quick calculations.

Me: “Isn’t it 10: 27 AM on a Tuesday there?”

Pierce:  “Yes.”

Me: “So, shouldn’t they be available.”

Pierce: “Yes.  But they aren’t.”

I log out.  Never lose a card overseas.  Never never never never.  Never.