A thief stole into our house in broad daylight.  I was in my bedroom, looking for some data sheets and didn’t hear the door open, or maybe I did and thought it was Ashura (the woman who cooks for us).  But when I emerged from my bedroom, deep in scientific thought, I caught the scoundrel red-handed.  She was perched on the back of the couch, double-fisting bananas into her face like they were air and she was drowning.  It took me a moment or two to register that a) she was a baboon and b) she was the clever one that is missing an eye, likely due to her daring food-absconding exploits.  “Ahhhhh!” I said to her.  She looked at me, her tiny hands still pumping bananas into her mouth.  I quickly looked to see that the door was open (she’d opened it herself, turning the handle like some creepy hyper-intelligent velociraptor) and then positioned myself on her indoor side.  From there I waved my hands at her, saying encouraging things like “Get the $%#& out of here!” and “Ahhhhh!”  She just looked at me and snatched more bananas.  Not knowing what else to do (and also not wanting to hurt her, exactly) I took one of the couch seat cushions and began beating her with it.  Instead of immediately running for her life, though, she just scooped up the biggest bushel of bananas she could find.  I pushed her forcefully with the cushion and then bopped her in the face.  Finally getting the hint, she jumped down from the couch and bipedally ran/waddled out the door, several bananas clutched in her hands like some circus monkey (despite my severe annoyance, it was the teeniest bit cute).  After escaping the house, though, she didn’t even have the decency to run far with her spoils and instead sat less than 10 feet from the door, eating our bananas.  All I can say is: This is not over, little baboon.  This is most certainly NOT over.